What's the Meaning of Life to you?

Thanks God i had my SPA interview this morning and it went smoothly. I managed to answered most of the questions with a breeze except one... "What's the meaning of life to you?". This was what asked to me and i paused for nearly 1 minute before i answered them. This really made me think of it seriously. Praise Lord i answered them from a Christian's point of view though they are Muslim. Yeah, the meaning of life to me is not to eat, enjoy or to accumulate property in this earthly world but to continue to walk close with God and do whatever God has granted me to my best in order to honour Him. Thanks Lord You remind me through the interviwers before i embark in my career.

14th May 2009

It's been nearly half a year since i last wrote here... all coz i was busy with study and of course the exams! i took them one after another, unwillingly, reluctantly.... Till the end of April and early May, as my Professional exam was approaching, the stress level was so unbearable.. During the revision weeks, i'd dreamt of my theory exam, my clinical exam.. Every night, i fell asleep while recalling the stuff i read for the day and then only to find myself shocked to waken up in the middle of the nights coz of the jerk of my legs and crampy limbs..

My adrenaline surge made me having early satiety most of the time followed by loss of appetite. I'm sure nothing went wrong with my hypothalamus. Things just seemed so gloomy. In a few occassions, i broke into tears when thinking of i just couldn't handle this. O Lord, pardon me for being such a faithless one. I prayed so hard to Abba Father and words kept telling me that God is with me, He won't test us beyond our capability but i just didn't seem to have faith in Him. Forgive me, o Lord.

A day before my OSCE, i really couldn't calm myself down thinking of the 5-minute bell. What if i went blank in that 5 minutes and the next station and then the subsequent ones? Thanks God He's really with me, my worry only proved to be groundless..

Few days before short and long cases, i was so restless... my mind was so busy at most of the time.. Few minutes before i was called for my short cases, i understood why the DSM-IV criteria of 4/13 peaked in 10 minutes for panic attack. Thanks God He was with me and is still with me that i didn't fulfill the criteria =)

Now, all was over. God was with me and is still with me and i made it, I passed the exam. Glory be to God!

Really thankful to all my family members & dear dear for praying unceasingly for me. thanks to dear dear that you repeatedly reassured and calmed me down whenever i was so stressful. Thanks to my friends and study group members (jun & ang) for being with me throughout the period. Congratulations to you guys! Thanks to angang for the dinner that night and of course, your reassurance.

Will continue to pray that God continue to guide us through our housemanship.

p/s: sorry angang u are not in the photo, i think you know why =p

Teko

It's been really for quite some time i last wrote somtheing over here.. Just finished my last case write-up, but don't feel like reading though exam is around the corner, so stop by here...

This photo had been taken for quite some time ago when i went over my friend's place to practise physical examination just before exam. Well, its name is 'Teko', meaning dog's lice in Iban. It's given this name coz according to my friend, it looked like one (flat). Anyway, i've never seen any myself but if it would be just like this lovely 'Teko', it would be exciting coz whenever i look at it, i'll smile. As if it is smiling to me all the time... =)

Professional Exam is approaching!!

Oh my God!!! i still have 130+ days left till my prof exam. i have to study hard from now on. No movies, no drama, no games from now on!! Oh gosh, i cant stop imagine wat would happen if i fail the exam!! Just pray hard... But, i bought ticket to kuching this christmas, hopefully the holiday can destress me before facing the real challenge!! God bless us dear dear!!!

Finally, i'm relieved.....

Since the very first day of my O & G posting, i was worrying of how to complete all my 15 deliveries and 10 episiotomy repairs within 3 weeks. Most of those who went through it and came into contact with the staffs in labour room gave me negative feedback. And after my rotation in maternity, it's my turn for all the procedures in labour room since last week. I do admit that it was not an easy job to "survive" there with a number of unfriendly nurses complicated with the stress to achieve our targets within a certain limit under the competition from a great number of nursing students! But finally, i completed all the targets this early morning after i conducted a 'Syawal baby' (the mother called him so), really thanks God for that. Only God knows that i prayed so hard for the mothers when i helped them to deliver their babies-- praying that it would be a smooth one (not end up with Caesar, vacuum etc), praying that the mothers would have good maternal effort, praying that the fetal heart would be good and a long long list that whoever can name it. Though it was a hard one eg. on-called every 2 days for 24 hours, standing most of the time while TCM patients every half-hourly, scolded by certain nurses when u missed out something (sob...), i really learned a lot within this short period, i learned the proper way of VE & ARM from the doctors, practised setting line onto the newly admitted mothers (my skill rusted since i didn't practise it for quite some time), learned the various methods of episiotomy repair from different nurses (really thanks them), made a few nursing friends etc. Thanks God for everything! Amen.

Mooncake Festival is coming!!

Mooncake festival is just around the corner. In fact, there are just 2 more days from today! Dear dear sent me this cute little lantern for it. It's a Pooh's little lantern with music that need to be blown up manually. Ha, the night after my on-call, i found a parcel on my table and it was this little lantern from dear dear. As i was too tired, i fell asleep straight away after i blew it up. It's so cute that i like it so much!!! Thanks dear dear! Happy Mooncake festival!

FINISH EXAM (2)

After a week of waiting, finally the post mortem of the final O&G exam is held, today. To cut the story short, it was a shock, as the coordinator did not announce our results one by one..because she is very disappointed with our results. Although all of us pass the MEQ (1 obs, 1 gynae), there is 25% failure in MCQ. Thw worst thing is, 33% failure in clinical (9 of them fail both obs and gynae short cases and 7 fail 1 short case in either obs or gynae make a total of 16 out of 48). Thus, in the end of the session, the coordonator did not announce the results one by one but just want to see 3 students, who has not doin really well.:( But however, we are very piah you see..most of us see the coordinator again to get our exact results, actually to see if we fail clinical exam coz most of us do badly in clinical exam. Guess what, i pass all, the mcq, meq, and both clinical short cases:). Thanks Lord. And thanks so much dear for praying so hard for me. It is you who held me to go through all this hardness, i really thought i fail my obs short case but thank you for giving me such a hope that i can still survive:(

Exam's Over!

Finally, my Paediatrics posting was overed... So tired after suffering from sleep deprivation for consequtive few days or even weeks...

Mm.. must recharge myself fully before moving on to O & G!

Lao po...

This was forwarded by a friend to me and i'd like to share it with everyone out there....

珍惜自己的所爱世界上 没有後悔药. 妻子是 个小尾巴，我走到 哪里她都要问到哪里. 我厌烦，她却 乐此不疲。 可是，这个小尾巴却在那个下着大雨的 深夜永远消失了.我的心 情非常难过，内心充满了内疚和痛楚 ，我无法原谅自己的过错。结婚那天,老婆用买戒指的钱给我买了一款手机。 那天夜里,我们两人在 被窝里一遍遍地调试着手机的响铃.我们觉得,生活就像这铃声,响亮, 悦耳，充满着憧憬和希望。 从那天开 始，我常常接到她的电话： '老公， 下班了买点菜回家。 '老公，我想你，我爱你。 '老公，晚上一起去妈妈家吃饭。 '我 的心里十分温暖。 有一次，我忘了给手机充电，又恰好陪领导到基层，应 酬到半夜才回到家，推开房 门一看，我发现老婆早已哭红了眼睛 。 原来从我下班时间开始，她每隔一刻钟就打一次电话，我都不在服务区。 老婆更加着急，总以为发生了什么意外，后来每隔十分钟打一 次， 直到我推开家门，她刚把话筒放下。 我对老婆的小题大做不以为然： '我又不是小孩子，还能出什么事情 ？'老婆却说有一种预感，觉得我不接电话就 不会回来了，我拍拍老婆的脑袋， 笑了：'傻瓜！'不过，从此以后我 一 直没有忘记及时给手机充电 。后来我升了职，有了钱， 手机换了 好几个。突然有一天，我想起欠着老 婆的那枚戒指，便兴冲冲地拉她去商厦。 可是她又犹豫了，说：'白金钻戒套在手指上有什么用啊？给我买个 手机好吗?我可以经常跟你联系。' 于是我就给她买了一个手机。那天，我们一个在卧室，一个在客 厅，互相发着短信息，玩得高兴极了。一天夜里，我和同事到朋 友家玩牌，正玩在兴头上， 老婆打来 了电话：'你在哪里？怎么还不回家？ '我在同事家里玩牌。' '你什么时候回来？' '呆会儿吧 。'输了赢，赢了输， 老婆的电话打 了一次又一次。外面下起了大雨， 老婆的电话又响了：'你究竟在哪里？在干什么？快? 乩矗? '没告诉你吗 ？我在同事家玩，下这么大的雨我怎么回去！' '那你告诉我你在什么地方，我来接你！' '不用了！'一起打牌的朋友都嘲笑我'妻管严'，一气之下, 我把手机关了。天亮了，我输得两手空空，朋友用车子把我送回家，不料家门紧锁，老婆不在家。 就在这时，电话响了，是岳母打来的，电话那头哭着说：'她深夜冒着雨出来 ，骑着自行车，带着雨伞去我同事家找, 找了一家又一家，路上出了车祸，再也没有醒来。我打开手机，只见上面有一条未 读留言： '你忘记了吗？今天是我们的结 婚周年纪念曰呀！我去找你了，别乱 跑，我带着伞！'她走在找我的路上,永远不会再醒来了。 我泪流满面，一遍遍看着这条短信息，我觉得那 一个晚上我输了整个世界。老婆去世已 经3个月，可我仍然无法从噩梦中醒 来......

This is basically the content (ya, i know u can't read it, don't be puzzled...):

Cherish your love one, there is no drug for regret. My wife was like a little tail, she would follow wherever i go, but this little tail disappeared in that rainy night for good. I was so regretful that i couldn't forgive myself. On the day of our wedding, lao po used the money meant for the ring to buy me a handphone. Since then, i'd always received her calls like "lao kong, get some vege back after your work", "lao kong, i miss you, i love you" etc. It was so heart-warming. There was one time when i forgot to recharge my battery and coincidentally I'd work to do and only late in the night that i reached home. Once opened the door, lao po's eyes were already swollen up. She cried as she thought something bad happened to me since she could not reach me. From then onwards, I'd never failed to recharge my battery. Later on, I was promoted, I'd more money and changed my phone for few times. I bought her a handphone after she refused the diamond ring that i owed her. then, we started to message each other frequently. One rainy night, i stayed over to gamble at one of my friend's place. Then i received her call again, "where are you now, why not home yet?", "i'm gambling at my friend's place", "when are you coming back?", "a little while after this". Not long after that, she called up again, "where are you right now? why hasn't back yet?", "how am i going back in such a heavy downpour?!", "then where are you, i'll fetch you instead". Being teased by friends, i was so annoyeyed, "no need!" and switched my phone off. The next morning, when i got back home, lao po was not there. A call from my mother-in law told me that lao po passed away in an accident as she was looking for me from one place to another with an umbrella while cycling in the rain the night before. I switched on my phone only did i realzed there was an unread message from her, "don't u remember, today is our anniversary, don't go away, i'm coming to you with an umbrella". She had never wake up again, out of sudden, i felt that i lost the whole world on that night. Lao po had left me for 3 months but i am still not able to wake up from my nightmare..

Hopefully all of us would get something out of this story...

Heartbroken...

After coming out from my shower last night, the cross on my necklace fell onto my hand when i touched it. Initially i thought the necklace was not fastened properly, then only i found out it had broken off! My heart was broken away as i realized it was broken off. After all, it was my 18 year-old-birthday present and all 3 of my sisters have this similar piece of necklace...

It had been with me for the past 5 years but now leaving me for good... mm.. Gonna call mama up..

Layer Cake...

Layer cake alone is nothing so special but this is special to me. U must be wondering why. Well, this is the reason -- it was brought all the way back from Jakarta by a friend of mine to me. I must say she had had a nightmare that i definitely won't be able to handle myself if i were her over there though her stay over there were just in fact, a couple of days! But yet, despite what happened to her, here it is, she brought back souvenir for me.. I was so touched that i nearly cry out when she presented this to me... It was really beyond my expectation! Friend, thanks so much! Love you so much! Thanks God you're back safe and sound!

p/s: my sister- in law loves this cake!

Motivating!!

Yesterday was my first day ever going into OT for anaesthesiology. There, we met a MO, apart from the anaesthesiology proper that he gave us, he shared us his personal experience which really motivating!

He was a repeater for his final year during his undergraduate. "Nobody will care how many years you had repeated after you came out to practise but your capability.", according to him. While he was repeating his year, all his friends left him, he was left all alone regreting his condition but how he motivated himself was by the monthly income that he lost if he was to work by then, so he strove to succeed!! Before we dismissed, he left us his very own message, "study hard, try not to repeat year if possible but if you are repeated anyhow, don't be upset, strive hard to make sure you make yourself to the end".

Thanks God for meeting this very doctor, it's motivating! For all the medical students out there, be motivated and strive hard!

Something Touched Me...

This is my 5th week in Paediatrics posting. This morning, as usual, i went into the ward, chatting with the parents regarding their kids' condition. While i was talking to her mother, this 3 year-old girl with Down Syndrome was playing on her own/ with others. From time to time, she would pause and look at me, smiling cheerfully at me. As i reached my hand out to her, trying to shake her hand, she replied a kiss onto my hand, followed by giving me a five! As i continued to chat with her mother by her bedside, i was stopped when she suddenly came to me, patting on my head, the mother smiled and told me she was trying to 'sayang' me. Then, she gave me a big big hug and before i left her, another hug and this time, she kept her forehead onto mine gently.. How sweet is she... This is kids' world, they are always pure and innocent, even with the illness, they show their love without hesitating.. Little angle, i love you so much! To her mom, you have such a lovely kid!

Inflation..

Since the day after Malaysian Government announced the rise of the price of petrol, almost the price of everything in the market rose sky high. This is especially true for the food. A plate of mixed rice can go up to RM7 or even 8 when you've accidentally taken more. We can really feel the inflation! The global economic outlook is so unfair.

To combat this and continue to survive under such situation, everyone starts to think of ways to spend less in order to save for a rainy day. And for this reason, my sister-in law has come out with an idea to make me a lunch box every morning before i go out for classess. Really thanks God that I'm so lucky to have my brother and sister-in law with me though i am 1ooo over kilometres away from my parents back in my hometown. This really grants me nothing to fear or worry of in the downslope of the economy. Praise be to Lord!

Stressful life's started again...

Our paediatrics posting started since this monday. Initially i still didn't feel the pressure, still wondering why one of my friend kept saying she was stressful. After going to the ward, we were given this textbook on neonatal resuscitation, logbook and etc. By then i realized why she was so stressful.. We will have a course and an assessment on neonatal resuscitation in 2 weeks time from now, we are expected to complete the procedures in the logbook, to go on-call, ward work, presentations, seminar, tutorial..... These are just part of the list.. Now, i'm under stress as well. Hopefully i can get this through easily.

Determination to Lose Weight!!

Here is a deal, as a medical student and a future medical personnel, i know the risks of obesity and its effects to my health. I have been overweight since primary school and recently, got in to new group, OBESITY. My family and Min have been advising me, days and nights, to lose weight and i did try several time, but failed. But now, I have determination, i wanna get an ideal body after 6 months. My current body weight is 110kg and after 6 months, i wanna get down to 70kg!! Here is my photo of 110kg.

Ya, ya, i know it's ugly...here, Min has bet that she will buy me a TUX when i succeed (Woo Hoo..) and i bet with my coursemate a Shogun buffet (exPensIve!!). But the real deal is that i get my confidence back and have a healthy body (Thanks Min). I keep praying that i don't lose determination in the half way!!

Not merely a casing

Our new semester started since a week ago. On the very first day of the new sem, my friends presented this to me-- a casing for cell phone, which is 100% hand knitted with a cute little kitten on top :) Since i've just got a new w880i from Vince, this casing just strikes the right time to serve its purpose. What touched me the most was, it is not merely a casing, as a matter of fact, the reflection of friendship. I learned this after i found out that they kept checking on the NTD (New Taiwan Dollar) rate as their buck was running out while their elective posting in Taiwan and yet they made an effort to buy me a souvenir! Friends, thanks for it. I love you guys so much!

Elective Posting

Finally, i finished my elective posting in HTAR yesterday. i have been waiting for this since i entered into O&G. The entire posting were about 5 weeks. For the first two-and-a-half-week, it was medicine while the second one was O&G. Frankly, i enjoyed medicine far more than the latter as i'd really learned and seen lots of interesting and rare cases during the short period. Perhaps it was due to the policy of the O&G department in this hospital, i could only observed procedures here but conducting procedures like conducting delivery and episiotomy repair was a big no-no to me. It was rather disappointing. Anyway, i still enjoyed myself here as this was the only place that i found godly attitude from the nurses towards the mothers so far. I was kind of shocked to see nurses congratulate mothers after they gave birth to their newborns in government hospital :)